The hunt for an elusive peace

And quiet. My physical body nearly broke down yesterday. I nearly fainted during BodyCombat. I had skipped three weeks of combat as I juggled between the hustle bustle of work and meditation classes for deriving peace. Initially I thought it was from my lack of cardio fitness since I had been combatting every other day before the hiatus. But no…

The music got louder, the energies felt chaotic, and I really wanted to just slide down some hole in the ground or run away from it all. It was terrible. It was overwhelming. I used to complain to Jo if her music gets too loud, cos I feel giddy when it does. Yesterday was not about physical noise. It was about background scratchies that screeches as they clawed against my subtle body. It felt really rough and angry. Then I realize these are people who are thumping it out to vent their frustrations, which also mean this is a blardey room full of angers flying around. Eeeks! It wasn’t that bad during Jo’s! Jo’s was always a lot of laughter, I would always laugh during her combat class. But June brings out the worst in people? Not in that negative sense, but she helps people to use all their energies to pump it out – All. That. Angst.

I nearly fainted, I am serious. I went out for a drink and then came back with a reinforced idea that this is truly a room filled with chaotic angers. That smell. I am not just talking about sweaty bodies, it is a smell of frustration. Pungent, acute smell of exasperation. Uncle Johnson was absolutely right about smelling energies.

The day just gets worse. Went home, more noise. Mom. Dad. Babyboo. Babyboo’s Dad. Oh my god. I did a long long session of soul fragmentation exercises with the whole wide world before I could settle in to finishing my work. I was so at peace when speaking on the phone with Geraldine. Thank God for the timely healing.

So I picked cards to ask why. Was not allowed to pick one!! Three fell out, and I could see why. Vastly different fractals to understand from seemingly one situation.

To drive it in, this morning I was faced with a blardey loud Korean guy talking like he owns the whole Starbucks, and behaving like he darn proud to be speaking in his coarse brute language. I was angry, but I knew this world is not just about Me alone in a Forest. Then another two mainland Chinese settled in, of higher decibels still. *faint* tell me, dear Creator, what lesson are you teaching me this time!

I picked another two cards over separate occasions from loving conversations in my virtual tech world. Reversed Ace of Cups – selfishness from holding back emotions. Four Pentacles – selfishness from hoarding, living within limitations of my own making.

Alright, alright. It is the Angels shining a blinking flashlight in my face, I need to embrace the larger world, with all its desirables and undesirables (in/on my own terms).

Thank you for handholding me step-by-step through this elusive hunt for real peace. Within. And Without.

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