Some beliefs are like stubborn stains, no matter how many times you scrub at it, or how long you leave it to rest before scrubbing again, or how long you soak it, they just rise to the surface and remain.
It really annoys me. Mother-daughter was one that plagued me in a long time. Theta rendered me an alternative perspective, which seemed to finally dislodge it from my system, it is probably the very applicable cleaner to soak the issue in for my situation. There had been so much to learn, and it took so many modalities to clear it out.
On hindsight, or having gained Creator’s loving perspective, it is really not surprising at all. She was the only authoritarian figure with me/us 24/7, sorting out our meals, education, clothings, beliefs. My dad had always been the fun and supportive figure whom we go to for entertainment. My dad educated me during my high school years, so I learnt chemistry and biology in Mandarin, while taking my exams in English! There was always a wow factor to Dad, while Mum is really the mundane, easily taken for granted one. It was only through these recent years of spiritual understanding that I start to comprehend the deeply entrenched vestiges of her presence in my life.
She was the easiest figure to blame. When my whole world came crashing down, she was the first person I blamed. For her talking nonsense, for her naïveté, for her selfishness of not watching her words and her audience. Everything just points to her. Yet when the storm boiled over, and when I finally learnt about life and lessons, I was thankful for the role she played, thus ejecting me from this drama altogether. Their further drama is now theirs, I am so fortunately out of it. I am also very thankful for Anutosh and her non-judgemental phenomenological approach, and so gently and graciously showing me the light. I used to cry so much talking to her, even in public, and she still encouragingly comforts me that we are learning and taking at soul level. She was also the first person who commented on my very soulful writing when I sent her my thanks.
So the Pandora box was opened. More worms came out during theta. My first session. My first time workshop. My first post-workshop. Second workshop, and third and fourth. So many different issues all relating back to my mom! It has become a nonchalant “what? again?” or “what now?”. Things has been peaceful nowadays, I think we have cleared more or less, and I doubt new ones will pop up.
The newest mirror seems to be the next motherly figure in my life. It’s the third time issues have popped up – the warrior and the key, the threshold, and today seems to have a new one, which is my homework.
I am now starting to see how Universe works. It creates a vacuum or pressure, builds it up to corner me so so hard that I just have to face up to it. I am rather quick in catching issues, but not so quick in addressing them. By building up the pressure, I have nowhere to run. Seventh plane is not my refuge, but my arena to fight and solve. And resolve.
It happened again today. Panic attack last night, pushing me to yoga this morning, gaining His perspective during the meditation, and then when I am finally over it, the issue turns out to be a non-issue at all. Mirror, it did, shining the glaring image at my sorry ass/face.
Well, it works!
God, am I thankful that lessons can be learnt in a day when we put our heart, mind and soul into it. ❤