Anxiety Pangs

It is so silly to get anxiety attacks from being worried about miscommunication, when it is really obvious that there can be no way it can be mis-read unless the other party is an utter idiot. So I have absolutely no idea why I am so anxious about it. There must be a hidden belief somewhere. Dear God, please help me identify it, so I can seek your help in pulling it out. It is really annoying the sh*t out of me, because that worry is always about the same thing! I always feel angry at recurring stupidity.

I have to get over this. Especially when there was a clear image last night in my dream state which is obviously pointing to it. Okay, maybe writing about the cutesy elephant can calm me down a little.

So I was called to class last night, night class in dream state. This is how far our meditation is getting us. It was sort of creepy, cos the dream was so real it felt like teacher Shirley came right by my bedside and asked me to go for class. I wanted to sleep, so I immediately switched frequency, as though using a remote control to tune her out of my space. Hee hee, the expert at skipping class! Or so I thought.

In the next channel, I was in my usual dream space. It is this three storey house, where I stay sometimes on the ground floor, sometimes on the top, and my ex-roommate RY is always with me in that house, sometimes on the same floor, sometimes different. This time, this house is a dormitory, and someone asked me to join her for yoga class. I joyfully agreed. I set off to look for her at the venue, and saw an amphitheatre-like space filled with people queueing for elephant rides. The lady waved to me and I joined them. They climbed onto the elephant first, followed by me. It did not look like an easy ride, there were no seats, but a long sturdy scarf they clung on to. I held on in prone position. It was an impactful ride, though! I was high up there enjoying a broad overview of the beautiful hilly scenery, and feeling the breeze as we eased through the traffic jams.

The elephant brought me back to our house, and yoga class was on the rooftop. Dammit!!!! I got the venue wrong, why the heck would I even have left my place, only to come back to it? Well, I enjoyed the great view, an elephant ride, and felt the breeze in my hair, and filled with gratitude that I made it through alive and whole~ Oops, I realised the two ladies with me are no longer on the elephant! So we trotted back and saw that somewhere down the hill, they have fallen off the elephant! Poof~ and suddenly I saw that the elephant I have been riding is a cutesy tiny one! My, oh my.

When I woke up, I found out that we all lay witness to the common class we attended in our individual dream states. Shirley saw all of us in class, and I believe YC did too, cos she learnt the same lesson. Isn’t it amazing how connected we are that we can share the same dream? It was not the first time, apparently. But this is the first time for me that it is not an afterthought recollection.

Lesson for the day ~ it was not yoga in the classroom. The common class we shared was about facing our fears and blocks and finding the truth within us. Sounds far fetched from elephant ride? Here is the breakdown:

“Riding one may be symbolic of overcoming your fear of your past or dealing with the memories from your past; may represent you are overcoming or dealing with a big issue or problem in waking life.” and “Dreaming of a baby elephant may symbolize a problem that appears to be small or insignificant at the moment but has the potential of getting much bigger in the future.” from here, and Shirley adding that elephant symbolises courage. I rode it very well, so I believe I took courage and am (successfully) overcoming a certain fear of a certain past, which fortunately is happening, cos it looked small now but has the potential of getting much bigger.

As compared to the two ladies who fell off. This, in itself, is a lesson too. Had I looked out for them along the way, I would definitely have fallen off as I lose balance without the focus I had. It is not selfish to take care of oneself, because the best way to take care of others is to lead by example. Do it right and do it well, and show them how it is done right and done well. We know our own balance best. That was not a usual way of riding elephants, so I was in a trial and error situation, I could have fallen too. If I had fallen, it would just be a lesson learnt that it does not work, what is the big deal with that? (note to myself : definitely a lesson/belief to pull out) But why look on the negative side – once in the situation, with a focus on what is available, and what we know deep within us, we can conquer. If we do fall, it’s back to knowing that something somewhere did not work, and try again!

So easy to say it. So hard to stomach it. I have such great fortune of this lesson rearing its ugly head at me within the very same day. STOP WORRYING ABOUT HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE IT! Communication is a two-way traffic, they could have asked and cleared it up themselves if they need to, and it is such an obvious one-way track, why the heck am I even worrying about it! If they are idiots, Darwinism should be doing its job. But then again, as with all judgements serving as mirrors – maybe the program I need to pull out is me being afraid that people will see me as an idiot.

There you go~ God has given me His answer, and now I shall go up and seek His help clearing it. ❤

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