Maddening is the stalker butterfly who hovered around me today. Mad is the me going “please go away” repeatedly, and loudly, and in public. Maddened is my bro who went “can you just focus on your food and pretend it’s not there?”. The butterfly went away, and came back after awhile, relentless in his stalks, and my brother laughed. He was the one who told me i was thinking too much when I asked him “do you think the butterfly came for me?”
I have been dealing with Lepidopterophobia more than thirty years of my life. Finally two years ago, I decided to grab the bull by the horns and seek proper therapy, which was how I started my journey into the Theta world. I cannot remember now, all the beliefs and traumas I cleared, but there were many of them, layers and layers that were thrown to the wind (or His bright white light) each time. I had been remarked by my improvements – I am able to co-exist with them, no longer jumping around of running and screaming just because they are in the same space (like a huge park) with me, however far away they are. I am able to watch clips that show a whole huge family of fluttering butterflies, clearly shown in their individual beauties – no more heart palpitations, no more panic attacks. I am able to watch them with my eyes open, as they flap around in my balcony. Well, as long as they don’t come too close to me. I am tremendously remarked by how I can look at them now. With my open eyes.
I remember being on the phone with Evlyn, and a butterfly tried to come through the windows into my 18th storey room. I quickly closed the windows, and Evlyn’s instinctive response was “why are you shutting out your creativity?”
So today, the question I have to ask myself would be “why aren’t you allowing creativity to come closer” and I hate to add the second line “and to touch you, body, heart and soul?”
Seriously. What am I afraid off?