I have the best cousin in the world! Or rather, I have the best Light Team in my world! Short span of the first three days of the Lunar New Year, I feel like I have been reborn. So many new perspectives, as though I have been given a fresh new set of eyes to look at things as old as from twenty years back.
Reborn. Yes, hovering between the figurative and literal sense of the word. I chose the death door on the first day of new year, not sure if it was out of spite or out of a total sense of loss. But so many lessons came through as I made the choice, and the re-choice of not taking it.
Death Doors. Do you know that we plot many exit doors in our lives, that at any point we feel we’ve had enough, we can just leave? The unlearnt lessons will be carried over to the next life (in case you seriously think we get to escape this thing called Life). I was very relieved and satisfied with the small little (self-)pats on my back for having achieved those little tiny milestones, like having finally done three months of math properly. So while I was riding, the defiant in me sort of thought “you haven’t given me what I have been looking for, so why should I work so hard anymore. I’m happy enough about these thresholds crossed thus far, so let me go at the next exit.”
Never test the Universe. Not that I was testing, but I was really perturbed by some unresolved matters and honestly ready to go. I cannot believe how fast it hits. I could feel myself blacking out already (I didn’t tell my dad this part of the story) and .. i was almost immediately regretting it “no, I still have so much to do on this world .. maybe not yet”, and all the flashes of the “yet-to-be-done” appeared. Dang! Now that I’m in my conscious state, I didn’t exactly think I want to do so much “hard” work.
Too late. As we parked our bikes, I felt all the stars appearing, and I blacked out in my dad’s arms. Ouch, no, that’s not the way I want to go. It was hard enough that he went through this in one of our past lives, I cannot let it happen again unresolved. There has to be a different ending. I sobered up after my aunt brought me the chair and the packet of sweet drink, and my brother laughed at me about my low blood sugar again.
Lessons. I learnt that we are really here to do what we chose to come here to do. The angelic realm are here to guide us, they do not owe us anything, they do not have to be responsible for us. They are not responsible for us. They help to shine their light out for us, but ultimately the choice lies in our own hands. We make the choice and we face the consequences. They are so zen about the whole thing, cos they know that life is beyond how we see life, just like death is merely a portal that marks the temporary end of story, and then we move on to the next scene, or the next story that we choose to plot.
The angelic realm does not try to influence us or to change our minds. They just show us, matter-of-factly, that this is what happens if you choose this, is this really what we want? They shine their little lights to guide us on the highest good, but do not fault us if we choose something else.
Well, also we need to ask for help and directions. I guess I wasn’t explicit enough, or my communication isn’t exactly the best or the clearest. This whole death door incident in exasperation could be a very clear drawing of what-the-heck I was asking. So.. many things popped up soon after, to show me in different ways, the different perspectives of how I can be looking at things.