Symptomatic Ego-bloat

Teacher Shirley taught me a new term today. Shakti Pad. I have been shunning away from spiritual practice and people, or maybe the other way round, and wanted to focus on integrating spiritual practice in earthly work. Well, I want to be like Thich Nhat Hanh who takes his daily life, every second of it, like a meditation. I really want to be like that, so that had been my focus and motivation for the last months – to be aligned every second and listen out for that Higher Wisdom to guide me. Haha, but I forgot that this grand zen master spends a lot of his time on fully focussed meditation. That was what I missed!!!! dang. Anyway, time to recalibrate my focus and practice.

Today was a day of whine. I had to work till half past two in the morning to set things up for the next in line with the baton to do her work. Woke up at nine, waking up to something that I did not plan to do the first thing in the morning, and that really messed me up. The rest of the day was the same story repeated, each time getting more intense, each time getting more urgent. It’s not really that, on hindsight. Everyone’s cool, calm and cooperative, just that there were a few surprises that got retracted, and my heart missed a few beats throughout the day. Ouch.

So I whined and asked questions, so many inconvenience questions. Universe has always been very kind, and my guidance had always been “He will make space when it’s meant to be” space = time-space etc and that if life is smooth, life is right, life is on path. So, does that mean, when life feels disruptive or disrupted, life is not right, and life is not on path? Damn. This just puts everything in perspective. No wonder the word disruptive came into my life yesterday, and I was still thinking “it’s such a passe term, how is that fashionable?” Been around also does not necessarily mean that it no longer applies, it’s probably just not that WowwheeTrendy anymore. So yes, disruptive is not necessarily a negative term, it just means jerking out of the old common paradigm of doing things. It annoys, it annoys the shit out of anyone who prefers to run-on-mill-like-a-happy-hamster. But hamster may be happier climbing stairs, which might annoy his tiny little legs at first.

What the heck. I don’t know ………….. do I want to disrupt myself? dang. I read an article just a few days ago, that we need to constantly disrupt ourselves. UNIVERSE, IS THAT YOUR MESSAGE TO ME?! *yells* So we need to constantly  make ourselves uncomfortable? My aim in life is to lead a meaningfully comfortable life! tsk.

I need clearer guidance. More examples, please, dear Universe.

By the way, the shakti pad concept is really very interesting. The current situation really is symptomatic of an ego-bloat problem from a perspective I have not viewed from before. Ego does not necessarily mean “being egotistic” but could also refer to a pursuit of material comfort (which is not an issue, until it is) prioritised above spiritual / Higher pursuit for a deeper good spanning a much broader scope on Life and Being. And of course, being egotistic  is a big part of the issue too, like turning spiritual concepts around to defend material desires (for comfort). Yea, I think the diagnosis may well be right – Shakti Pad. I didn’t even think I was exactly on a spiritual path, I wouldn’t even call myself a practitioner, I just want spirituality to be my little tool in bringing a little more peace, and a little more love into this world. Into my world. That is Ego. Haha, but it is Love too.

Midnight reading: enjoy while i head back to slumber.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.