Soft heart versus Weak heart

Finally reached the close of the day. As I lay huddled in my blanket, I suddenly felt like crying.

Today was a really tough day. Started with someone messaging me about a mistake (without saying he made a mistake), and wanted to talk to me. I was already jumping out of bed to catch up on time, a few errands before heading to a morning meeting and could only accord time for SMSes in the cab.

It was only today I realised how much impact living and working in China had on me. First instinct: is he pulling a fast one on me? I.e. knowing we had little time and basically now in his captive market. Second instinct: gather evidence to prove that it was his mistake and not allowing him any room to squirm through and twist facts. Third instinct: stand my ground and not budge. But watch closely for little tricks.

Oh my goodness. Our world is really how we see it. I was busy all day, and really had no time to think/feel/connect with Truth, but I guess this was my truth today, and I’m sure there’s a bigger picture to figure out what I’m learning. I guess there is also that archi/planning law bit of facet lurking around in this episode. I even told him – well there are legal consequences too, if people want to push that button. I have no idea what this is all about, why would I even say that? I guess it’s full moon and our shadow selves are getting their bit of shine.

I don’t know, there must be a reason. Because, each time I do something like that (reacting instinctively, instead of brain-jesting first), it has an unseen story unfolding right up at the seventh plane.

After my meeting, I called back to see if he’s doing okay (it pains me, really) and calmly talk it through with him. I.e. To sound out how genuine the situation is. Honestly, up to now, I am not sure. My China heart(/brain) is somewhat still on Fight/Flight mode, and thinking of what to do if this China heart(/brain) is correct.

The usual – I picked cards to get clarity. A few times in fact. 4 of cups, reversed High Priestess, and reversed 9 of swords. I think it’s saying this lesson is not exactly for me (and that the nightmare is over). So I suppose it’s okay, and so I asked if I should just focus on pushing this through with this supplier. Ding ding, Chariot! I guess so! And my heart feels lift and fluffy again.

I had it good, it is time for more healing as more shadow rises to the surface.

I have it good. I am really thankful to be working with a compassionate Client, who is also much like a guide to me – guiding me to find My Line. That thin line between “right” and “wrong”. Between fairness and firmness. Between softness and weakness. I am thankful.

Also because I would probably have felt bad for him if I had to make him Stick (/Honour) his words. Yet, if I had been working with someone who had chosen the other side of the spectrum, I will not flinch either.  Cos albeit feeling bad for him, I will just move the integrity notion higher up the priority, and then I’m okay again. Hmmm.

But then again, if I hadn’t stuck and stood my ground, this story is likely to have unfolded differently too. Hmmmm.

Life. It can be really fun if we don’t take it too seriously.


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