This is the first time I felt so suffocated I had to step out of office in the middle of my work, just to breathe. No wonder I almost refused to get out of bed this morning.
Do you have days when life just feels like too much and too much of nothingness that you want to hide in the cocoon for an infinite amount of time? Maybe till the storm blows over, or till things have sorted out enough internally to emerge as a butterfly, or maybe just simply, fossilise. Today feels like such a day.
I don’t think there’s really all that much to deal, but. But. I don’t know. Shrugs. Today feels like a really weird day.
Then I hear the crisp voice outside my door, “Why is ah-yi still sleeping? It is sunny outside.” This time, the question is posed to his ah-ma (my mom).
“Ah-yi worked late last night, don’t wake her up. Ah-yi shouldn’t sleep so late, just like Oliver shouldn’t sleep so late.”
Same question again, “Why is ah-yi still sleeping? It is sunny outside.”
Days when I wish I am as persistent as the little child in getting an answer. But well, now I ‘adult’. I don’t know if adult-ing means being more confrontational? I side-step too many things, that I know. Yet, I also know that I am known for grabbing the bull by the horns, or I was. Or maybe it depends. Hmm… Sometimes I think my brains think in too weird a direction, like “maybe one has to choose between being a small fry or an ass”. Ha-ha, those uttered words sent someone else’s mind into another tangent of further weirdo spirals. Bizarre thoughts make the world go round and round and round.
Snippets of a peculiar day. Can’t exactly call it bad, although it feels really horrid.