I actually have a full-time day job, and quite an intense one at that. Many people ask questions about hobbies, like “you mean you have time to paint/write/sing/dance/play with Oliver?” My question in return, whether or not I explicitly say so, is “how then do you de-stress or cut yourself off from the work that takes up all your attention?” I was sucked into a total black hole during my architecture days, and I am pretty sure that is not the right kind of life for me. Work life balance is not just a buzzword, it is a Two of Pentacles, and it is something we really have to aim for, otherwise we will just end up feeling the meaninglessness of life (even more).
I love blogging, and I did not know that until I started blogging. I love writing my academic papers, and of course always scoring a minimum of high distinction for them. It was not because of the score but because I write passionately about societal issues and environmental / social impacts, and finding the association of these with what has been written by predecessors and philosophers. I had been a rather private person, and never imagined myself sharing such personal experiences and thoughts on a public platform. Now that I have, I am seeing the value of it, and feeling every inch of enjoyment derived from it.
Universe must have His reason for putting me through the ordeals, trials and tribulations for the past decade at least. I have gleaned off so much learning from it, and I am also extremely thankful to a blogger I have never met before, whose words made so much sense and provided so much guidance through the period I was trying so hard to figure life. Now we know each other. You can read about Ash here. She was not just a guiding light, but also a form of support when I could not explain to or discuss with anyone all the thoughts going through my head. Well, other than my professors whom I was writing about existentialism with.
What comes around goes around (and vice versa). I am pretty sure what I have learnt in the past years will be of use or service to anyone else reading my blog. Be it for the reasoning, concepts and theories, or the
ditzy-ness light-heartedness yet with a hidden understanding / wistfulness of the unbearable-ness of life, or just eye-candy of pretty pictures.
Truth be told, why I now spend at least an hour every night writing, is because it gives my mind a complete break from the work that had held onto my attention for the main part of the day. Blogging gives me a chance to centre myself again, almost like a meditation (but with rapid firing of fingers). As I type, I understand more about myself, and the world, and life, much more than I started out scraping the surface with each post. Sometimes it conjures up solutions for what I face in my day job.
The other reason related to all of the above is that I start to pull out strings of what I have learnt in the years before, all the knowledge (and the wisdom) that I gained from the goods, the bads, and the uglies. They were all hidden inside, and I was unaware of their existence! All my travel stories – the memories buried somewhere around the brains, around the heart – they start calling for attention. I used to just load up the photos and share them, with some one-liners here and there, and maybe an email to all as shout-out that I am safely home, and share a summary of the adventures.
But there is so much more going on! Looking through the photos to pick something appropriate to match the post was another fulfilling treasure hunt. I always feel very grateful for the folks and peeps in the photos who stood by me, supported me, accompanied me, guided me, and most times, just quietly pampering me with the glimmer of hope and light when life felt so dark and wearisome. I guess I too was too quiet about my gratitude to them. Have I ever told Dad “thanks for being around“? Have I ever told Bro “thanks for the warning“? Have I ever told the sweetest person in the world, “thanks for letting me sleep in all the warmest stuffs while you put up with the cold“? Sometimes we do not express our thanks enough. I am trying to say more thanks. I definitely do to the superficial proper manners stuffs like, “hey, thanks for the file/email/information/holding the lift”. But not exactly to the things that mean authentically deeper like, “hey, thanks for enjoying this beautiful view with me“, or “thanks for looking out for me when I overlook things“, or the plain and simple “thanks for taking care of me when I was not taking good enough care of myself“.
See? Blogging shines a magnifying glass on the little details of life that we may have missed.