The energetic world has many weird things, with small differences in between. You know how sometimes we feel suffocated by certain people or suffocated after certain events? You know how we call some people and some environments toxic? There are so many ways of reading toxicity. It could be a matter of my-vibration-does-not-match-yours-thus-making-me-frustrated-and-annoyed kind of toxicity; or it could be a poisonous backstabbing-cursing-swearing psychic attack kind of toxicity; or a give-me-all-your-attention-and-you-must-be-on-my-side energy vampire kind of toxicity. All of them require different approaches to resolve. There is a very good article here that you may want to read to equip yourselves in protecting your own energy fields. Or you may want to take a quiz here (a fresh one I got in the mail today!) to see whether and how susceptible you are and the most suitable approach to fend them off.
I just spent an hour clearing my energy fields and I feel so much lighter and brighter now. There was a huge heavy cloud hanging in my aura just now, and super a lot of stickiness that I had to clear out of my hair. All the shadow work I have been doing has been revolving around setting boundaries – so that I can be in my complete power, rather than to keep leaking them away to anyone who demands it. I used to hang around and lend a listening ear to grouses and whines and try to shine some light on situations. But when I run into a typical energy vampire, it basically just sucks up all my energy because the person does not care about any light or advice, but just demands attention or even my soul. Well, it may sound a little dramatic, but it is true in the sense of soul fragments – when the person basically tries to suck you into his/her drama and demanded that you be part of him/her in the sense of sharing his/her beliefs. So after a few times (or a few years), I just stop voicing anything anymore, and even place energetic boundaries (i.e. shields) before engaging with any such vampires.
I used to think it was a big step up when I learnt to cut people out of my life, and that big step was “enough”. It really was for that moment in time, because I was subconsciously a people-pleaser; thus, shrinking my social circle (my social circle was not big to begin with), being unfriendly, being un-nice, being cold, were a huge threshold to cross. I felt much lighter after I did those, and new people of frequencies similar to mine started to enter my life! It was a breath of fresh air!
Now now, before I get complacent about giving myself big pats on the back, I learnt that there is a new threshold. Instead of being avoidant (cutting people out), the next big threshold is to step up and express the boundaries. OUCH!!! How do you tell a narcissistic energy vampire who is centre of his/her universe that you are not interested in listening to his/her repeated grouses anymore? Sigh.
Well, I learnt it the hard way. In fact, I was one myself. When the sweetest beam of light told me off (after a few years?), it sort of woke me up that I was not only “just ranting“. What I thought was merely letting off steam, was also imposing a very negative effect / affect on the people close to me, in different selfish ways. As I journey into the shadow healing journey now, this revelation shines a big bright mirror on the topic of boundaries. I saw how empowering it was when he ticked me off, cos it kicked me into reflecting my own inner space rather than always looking outwardly for support. When you have such a strong pillar to lean on, it is easy to just continue leaning on it (which is somewhat codependency in a way).
Oh wow. I actually have a wide enough vocabulary to express these concepts now. I was at a loss for words or expression when I was waist-deep in it.
So yea, now I keep reminding myself how great it was for me that I had someone force me into looking inward, and maybe I can be of service in guiding others to look inward to face their own crap too. Establish boundaries! Oh, border~ haha.
This is so cathartic!