Life and its meandering journey is surprising and sometimes with enlightening comes the wistfulness of “why didn’t I realise it earlier”.
I was digging through my old photos to look for the Great Ocean Road because its meandering roads left the strongest imprint for today’s word prompt. The photos were so old (2005! OMG!) that they have disappeared from my Snapfish (!!!) account although the albums are still in there. Instead, I found my workcamp pics from 2008, where I did a two-week stint of village work, and met a bunch of people whom I am still in contact with after a full decade. It is amazing, the bonds that form through a brush of two weeks and common ideals, which I know at least two are still greatly involved in developmental work.
As I flick through the albums, I notice many pics that I liked, but thought they were “faulty” because of the “lens flares” on them. It was only through the more recent years of reading about energies that I learnt of orbs. They appear in all my village albums – from my first meditation retreat in Happy Valley, to the village communities I stayed in, and are most prominent in uninhabited areas (e.g. caves), areas used for spiritual work (e.g. meditation pyramid structures), and happy areas (e.g. our learning centre during Christmas).
So, in life, there are many such instances of us floating down the stream, past many things that do not catch our eyes, but are subconsciously taken into account as part of our experience. As we journey on, we accumulate more such experiences, with maybe a tad bit more understanding of the little puzzles but they are after all, still little pieces of puzzles on their own albeit with clearer imagery now. Then one day as we meander and round the corners back to that same point, but from another angle or perspective, and we go “Oh. My. Gosh. Is that it? Is that what it is?” It is beautiful from the other perspective, but we can never be back at that same point of ignoramus ever again.
Why would we want to? Maybe things are different, maybe we prefer a certain aspect of that earlier state, but we have dropped it along the way. Yet it could also be because we have dropped that certain aspect(s) that we can reach this new point of a bigger, fresher, and cleaner perspective? Or maybe we are just darn wistful about having wasted so much time meandering through, when we could have just enjoyed the journey with the old state of being? Again, with that old state of being, would we have been able to go that journey or could it have taken us down a different route? Or maybe we are regretful or guilty about having experienced other stuffs while we wished we hadn’t and had kept faithfulness to a certain aspect of that old state of being? Too romantic an idea, life does not necessarily work that way, and we are getting into a circular thought process here (i.e. if we had not experienced the other stuffs, would be have gotten to this new state of being and perspective).
I guess I have made quite a few poor decisions that I still feel some form of guilt over. Then again, I am very very sure if not for those “poor decisions”, I would not have gotten to this point of reflection and understanding of life (I could have understood life in a totally different perspective). In a way, however wistful I am over the “wasted” time and journey and experiences, I am thankful that life meanders in such a way that we can get back to that “same point”. Just from a different angle, and from a different viewpoint, and with a different set of eyes.