Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no.
If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion. You would not be reading this now. Suffering cracks open the shell of ego, and then comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.
There were two authors who were key guiding stars during my “dark night(s) of the soul” and they are Eckhart Tolle and Carl Jung. They made me feel normal! And that it was alright feeling crap about life, and framing the perspective to make life feel less crappy. Thich Nhat Hanh came later actually. Shunryu Suzuki makes me laugh in a hearty manner, so I don’t exactly put him in the same category as the other three.
Life feels like an incubator of suffering to make that hardened shell crack to expose the softy yummy bits inside. Or rather, the dark night of the soul is the incubator, which speeds up that cracking open process. I really enjoy reading different concepts and theories, because when internalised (and experienced), I start to see / feel the congruency between different perspectives or different descriptions / narratives.
This weekend has been quite insufferable. So many rush projects falling in on a Friday night which are expected to magically complete by Monday morning. It is hard to stay zen when I have hardly any control over the availability of others (it’s weekend, for goodness sake). There is so much of my own me stuff that I want to do / enjoy / accomplish but now my attention is all zapped in anxiously C&C-ing and feeling helpless because I cannot do anything more. Now you see why I’d rather be off-grid!!!!!!!
I am trying to gain a Higher Perspective on this matter. 😦 Assume Power in the Now, then I could have rejected all the projects and tell them F off, but then again, Compassion! Then again, if you look at it from the idea of a supply chain, or a work flow, having compassion for the upstream versus having compassion for myself and the downstream. But then again, maybe the downstream are happy to taken on the projects ( = $$). Or maybe establish Boundaries! Well, it goes back to having compassion to the colleagues upstream, the last time we tried “establishing boundaries” we ended up seeing a power struggle. So, Universe, what are you showing me this time?
I decided to see from the point of view as Balance. So I am still going for the Kundalini Reiki Level 2 class tomorrow, and then slipping in some hours of C&C time in between (during breaks). Hope it works out, man. While doing so, I will have to remind myself of self-Compassion to overcome that of guilt, so in a way, that is also healthily outlining Boundaries?
At this point in time, I see my suffering as being caught in between decisions of which angle to look at things. Which, in plain terms, just means Confusion? I need to understand this so it serves the purpose and I can then render this suffering unnecessary, and break free from stress!
Depth as a human? Goodness gracious me, it would take a lot of depth to understand what every moment is telling us.