Do you know that we can hold guilt in us, unconsciously or subconsciously, even though sometimes it is by no fault of ours?
Siob’s ‘awarded’ me a mantra yesterday, “I am enough“. Consciously, and conceptually, I know this for my truth. However, there are many other levels in our consciousness that have not been calibrated to this understanding yet. These are what we know as blockages, which hold the being in the lower density frequencies, and it is only upon releasing them that the Light(er) frequencies can take over.
So my work-in-progress yesterday was “forgiveness” and/or “forgiven”, and “release”. And then we saw the guilt trips! It was an interesting observation that I was half-way trapped between “heyyyyyy, do you mean forgiveness or forgiven” and decided to just chant both. I always thought forgiveness was for me forgiving others or me forgiving myself because the power is in the me (I can’t help you). Apparently, the “forgiven” was for me to get into the frequency of me being forgiven by the other. So yes, dark stories hidden in the shadow aspects. Yet again.
Turns out that I was holding guilt in me as a child for how my mom felt about how I was treating her, when that was not at all my intention or my understanding of my behaviour then. Integrity is a term we all know – when we are doing something in alignment with our integrity (or our comprehension) of what is right / wrong, there is no need and no point in explaining too much our position, right? Hah, wrong. Beep. That is just the mental aspect of our being. Plus, our mental aspect is only that one-step-high at a tender age.
Another aspect of our being is emotions. Whether or not we know their existence, whether or not we acknowledge their existence, they continue to exist, and sometimes they continue to run in the background, whether we like it or not. So even though I was all nonchalant about it (honestly, I still don’t think / know I was affected by it – it’s her expectation, her emotions), these things did eat into me, and as a child, my platform of understanding then was definitely not at the level of interpreting it in the “correct” sense. We did a release of my feeling of responsibility for how my mom perceived my behaviour, and this heavy, pinch-y cord in my heart fell away! Profound stuffs – I never thought so much of Emotions. 😀 AND, I never thought my aquarian mom has emotions. hehe.
Well, I am pretty glad that I rendered forgiveness, healed and felt forgiven, and released all these background programs, and can now move towards the light of I AM ENOUGH.