Walking contradictions

Today’s Ragtag Daily Prompt is Open, and I guess the easiest to write about would be keeping hearts, minds, arms, eyes open. I am very open to many concepts in this world, because we live in a world of possibilities, and who is there to say who is right or wrong (in most cases). As a race, the limited knowledge that humanity has as a whole is also constantly evolving (and hopefully growing). Science provides explanations for many things that Man would not have been able to understand without it (thank you generations before us), yet science too is constantly pushing the boundaries to understand this Universe / World / our being even more. I list the above only to set the framework about the finite knowledge of the infinite (or so I believe) existence we find ourselves in. So, don’t get too caught up in fixating on certain notions.

Just within myself (one humble individual human being), I already find so many differences that I am trying to reconcile everyday. With the examination of these differences (and similarities) under different light, I feel I am an embodiment of walking contradictions. If in earlier years, I would have despised myself for this statement, because I used to think I had everything figured out (just work hard, have a clear mind and direction, do the right things, and all will be good. haha, how naive). I guess I have pretty much learnt to accept (not exactly embrace though) that contradictions are normal parts and parcels of life. Just watch out not to get caught up in too polarised ones.

I have come down to the idea that I have no idea what is “real” or “unreal” or “right” or “wrong” – stance / position / view on a certain idea may well be different once put in a different situation and in a different pair of shoes. Even in the very same moment in time, I am facing a struggling myriad of aspects that hold a different opinion. Why today’s pic is me and dad so happily smiling and posing in front of the helicopter – that is how a certain (or many) aspects of my being thought/felt about this amazing vehicle/tool/and its symbolism in many things. It came as a shock when I realise there is this tiny piece of me that absolutely detests it. And the bigger shock is realising that yup, I can understand why when I tune into it.

My blog comes with a category Granularity – for the times when there are small little differences although the broad strokes are much alike. Then there is another category Perspectives for the times when the understanding or platform of understanding are just different from what I assumed to be the norm. So many concealed contradictions within and without. If I keep a closed mind, a closed heart, and closed eyes, I would just dissolve into an acidic pool of self-contradictions.

I guess one reason why I do not exactly write about my work in certain places is because … I still have not come to terms with the kind of “illegal” stuff we did or had to do (it is the “had to do” part that eats me up inside)… Working with undocumented people, and stateless people, while at the same time trying to provide them with the life of “normal” people. How does one even reconcile that? The other reason is of irreconcilable differences (within myself) – I can’t put anything to words, because anything in black and white just feels utterly naive, because one just cannot attribute it to anything other than the very existential of being. Every reason/rationale is valid for everyone in the picture however varied, and no one can negate anything because life just is. Hmm, guess I accidentally strike another dingding with the prompt – Opening a tiny little gap into what had been kept so closed.

I also enjoy writing about my spiritual perspectives, or experiences viewed from a certain framework of possibilities, but how true they really are – I am not sure. They hold true as I experienced, but I am not sure how true their existence or my perception of their existence. All these energy healing and past lives stuff – anyone can easily sense the duality of my “belief”. For the lack of a better word, I often use the word believe/belief, but it is more a matter of a framework of looking at a certain idea and buying it at a certain level of it being possibly true. I accept my experience, I immerse myself in it, but the workings behind why those experiences? Shrugs, we just evolve in our understanding, I suppose.

Moral of the story: to constantly remind myself to keep my heart and mind open, so I can continue to grow into a more complete human being as Universe deems I can be. And of course, to keep my eyes wide open too, so I can see clearly the times when all have to close.

❤