The eclipse put a black shade over my life this weekend, and time flew past without any productive accomplishment, and it scares me. In the brief moments of awake-ness, I feel a whisper in me, “what did you just do …?”
It scares me, really, this thing called me. I know I’m born aries, I know I’m action-oriented, I know I can be extremely driven and push things right through and through. The scary moment of truth is when I have reached a certain moment of plateau, look back, and then … it is “oh my gosh, what have I done”. I know that at every brief moment of decision, be it minor or major, I was always fully there, and then I move step by step based on what was shown, what was available. Now, I am just in a sort of shock, because I had been so focussed, and when I finally paused, zoomed out and looked around, I am like, “Oh. Err. What now? How about this and that?” In a way, it is good, definitely better than worrying too much and not making any progress at all. In another way, it is really scary, because now I have to zoom out and pick up all the pieces for everything else that was previously out of that focus.
The only consolation I have about this scariness is a youtuber Michele Knight who put these qualities across as Aries Your Secret Superpowers. She has all the star signs there too, so you may want to check out what yours say. Further public service announcement is that next week … urghs … Mercury, Mars, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto are all in retrograde. I don’t do well in moments of retrograde / pauses / upside downs, I know it’s good for reflection and collection back to the centre, but … Oowwww. Today’s brief hour of timeout already got me into all sorts of whispers – have you considered this, how about that, why did you not think of blahblahblah and the list goes on and on.
Ouch. No wonder I didn’t post two drafts last night for the Moon. It was probably too early for that semi-celebratory mood I was already in, about having survived the eclipse with just a short ride down the rabbit hole.
I am going to screencap a lot of my own readings on my blog now, since the last one did help remind me that it really did feel right from different aspects, almost like a necessary course of action, before deciding on taking on the latest baton. Guess the warning implications were there too, just that I never really thought very hard about what they were pointing to. Then again, how bad can a five of cups be?
Meowr. That’s my inner whisper for “whatever it is, I am damned scared”.