Absence

Pardon me for my absence, has it been one full week already? I was initially too tired to write, but came across this video which I just had to share. It just brought life to a total standstill of power.

Although I had been very absent from the virtual world, apart from popping in and out to check if clockwork is still ticking (although sometimes a little late), I had been very very present in the physical world. I used to wonder how anyone can be zen or meditative in a busy state of being, and now I know that it is possible. I am surprised/proud to say that I was very present in every single moment this past week of busy-ness, teleporting between worlds. Anyone who knows me, or any one who knows juggling, would know that it takes absolute focus to not drop the ball(s). I managed to tick everything off the checklist this week, while still enjoying myself in the presence of lovely people, doing lovely things.

Maybe that is what makes the difference – lovely people; doing lovely things. It sounds strange to say, “hey, I really am doing good things to the world, while at the same time, doing great things to myself”. There sounds like a tinge of arrogance, or tinges of complacency, but that is truly how I have been feeling since stepping onto this new journey. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling, there is even a sense of pride in being able to do so many different things, all of which I love, and keeping them in a good balance.

At the same time, I wouldn’t say it’s like happy every moment, but rather, just fully in every moment. There is so much power in the moment. It is really hard to describe, it is not the “hey, I’m going to this great thing” kind of power, but more of how much power we have in our hands every moment to choose and change how we want to take this moment, look at it straight in the eye – whether it be in the eye of anger, or of impatience, or of worry – feel the fullness of it, and then take the next whatever step. While at the same time remembering that the previous moment has passed, and the next moment need not be built on the basis of it.

I guess this is how busyness drives me for now. There is so much going on that I cannot be halfheartedly worrying about something else while dealing with this thing on my hands. When I am with the students, I am fully in the moment talking to them, because there is no way I can re-visit that shared space until a week later. In any available slots of time I have, I am fully immersed in my day job, because I have to get it right at one shot, because I have many things to complete, but not many slots of time to work on them before the deadline. When I’m on the road, I have to be fully in my space, not checking handphone or anything else, because … tuktuk on bumpy roads are no good for reading, and there have been tales of people’s mobiles being snatched on the road (in a moving vehicle), so I just keep everything in my bag, and enjoy the rolling dust and the urban spectacle. And of course, with so many things so little time, quality time is a precious commodity that I put full focus on while with the quality people in my life.

So yes, to the people who worry about how I can cope, it really is manageable. It is more than manageable, it teaches me the preciousness of the passing moments in time. It teaches me the important things I used to take for granted. It teaches me that sometimes we worry too much – the monkey mind takes us around the world in a fluffy cloud, while what really matters is only when the action is carried out into the real physical world. We really know not what happens next, because the world is in state of flux dependent on the rest of the world, not just ourselves. Whatever we are guessing about the rest of this/that world, we’d never know how real / true / unbased these guesses were, but only unveil when it enters the physical world in that material moment.

I can’t really articulate myself about this whole feeling of the moment. All I can say is, it is really powerful.

Take heart, and see you hopefully before another week passes.

And yes, my moment does not afford me enough feels and thoughts to take in all RDPs, so there. Till the wheel of fortune rolls in the right moments to pull them into my sphere.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. What lovely meditation music.😊

    Liked by 1 person

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