I am having a good solid chunk of weekend, and was looking forward to writing something, but nothing comes to mind. Or no words came to the keyboard, while much thoughts go through the mind.
It was another week of spurts of intensity and extreme annoyance, with spurts of thoughtful-time-space and spurts of insecurities (again). One of the thoughts that came to mind was not exactly a thought but a sense of gratitude built atop a tank of murky thoughts. I am not sure if this is considered serendipity or just me being a slow realiser.
I do many things in the moment – many things that are right in front of me, things that I 1. know I can do better; or 2. know that it has to be done but no one else seems to be doing anything about; or 3. do because I have been asked to and it sounds pretty do-able for my time/space/competency. Sometimes these things that we do/did/are doing/will do have a wayyyyy bigger picture than we realise, and by definition of serendipity, you don’t exactly know if this happy beneficial occurrence was by chance or by hard work.
Last year this time, I agreed to help out with something because I knew a group needed help for many reasons, and I was in the position to do so, and so I did. It was fun, totally something I enjoyed. It came in a package of something else that I did not really want to do at first, cos it is for the year after (this year, now) but it had to be in the package to solve another problem and sounded like a good solution, and so I still agreed. This year, now, I am working on it and I realise how wonderful this is. How meaningful it is. More serendipitously, how it falls into the much bigger picture of this journey that I find myself on, and it is helping in pushing me into the momentum of this journey. All the things that I heard about from clairvoyants, from clairvoyant friends and family about this “picture” which I always thought was unlikely and never really actually saw myself on the actuality of the journey, even though I do laugh and joke about it as though it is an eventual reality. But here it is. And so it is.
There is still a long journey ahead, but I am so thankful that I am on it. And feeling it.
In a way, I am thankful for the people who had “read”, “painted” and “narrated” this picture to me in a way I never saw. It was this picture that pushed me very hard to find ways and means to overcome “impossibilities”. From eight years ago, I was told I would “travel and teach”, and repeatedly told through different mouths and different souls. The unsuspecting me had been reading it with superficial eyes. Even up to last year, I was “told” again that I would be teaching in higher institution. It was laughable – I remember already being self-applauding when I taught that few hours in Reiki class in a one-off incident. I remember sharing Tim Minchin’s inspiring UWA address and still tackling the topic from an unknowing, unsuspecting perspective of what there is to come. And that was just one facet of the journey.
Another facet was about counselling, nurturing and community leadership, I am also starting to see the picture emerging. About working with children – well, maybe not children but youth development. How is it that I have been working on so many snippets of it but never saw it? Daftness! It is only this year, when all the people crafting that package with me have left the organization, that I am left with this baton in my hands, that I see – OH. THIS. IS. WHAT. I AM DOING.
Universe has His way of “conning” / “luring” us onto the right path, and I now even more fully place my Trust and Faith in the saying that He only gives us what we are ready for. It is a little like building a concrete (material) foundation – first the formwork to hold up and support the shape, and then pouring in the concrete (me, wet in the ears, in this case) into the formwork and left there to undergo chemical changes. When hard, tough and ready to roll, the formwork (the people whom I assumed will be leading it) gets taken down / apart and moved on elsewhere to better grounds, and then OH. THAT. IS. ME. Ready now to hold everything up. Without fear. (Or maybe just a tiny flickering bit of lingering scaredy-ness.)
For my dear friends who still ask the question of “what if I am not good enough”, we can never be good enough if we don’t try to find out how good we can be. Life is not an arrow that gets bulls’ eye at first try (but it definitely can be too), but with each try, we calibrate ourselves to be closer to that magic spot. Take on opportunities that come your way, don’t let fear hold you back. Because Universe only gives us what we are ready for. ❤