I wished to write of lighter happier things. But well, we have just passed the eclipse season, and finally slipping out of mercury retrograde. I am just very thankful to come out unscathed, but I realised this eclipse unearthed a lot of anger, and possibly resentment, within me. Last year’s eclipse season brought out alot of regret, guilt, and possibly fear, but it sprung me into a totally different tangent, which might have directed me onto a very different path that I never saw or never knew it was just a hidden turn down the road (aka my teaching journey!).
I guess this anger this eclipse has brought my eyes to a focus on things that I have lived with, although much has been boiling inside. And possibly also gaining momentum and pressure in a my little cauldron.
And you know how when you have anger, and not notice, Universe brings forth the anger through all of your environment? For the past two weeks, I have been receiving so many angry messages from so many different people from my so many different circles. That was how I figured, what I needed to deal with was anger. So if you are wondering how the heck I can stay so zen and maintain harmony with so much heat in my face, it is because I have been getting so much of it the past weeks, I am pretty cool about it. It is just Universe waving a mirror in my face.
So, basically in the past two months, since it was school holiday, I actually had time to simmer. During school, I could not afford to get distracted by emotions, and just have to push through my work in the most effective way, meaning – no, I am not going to quarrel with you, I just want this done ASAP, so I can move on to more important things. With more time on my hands, not exactly more, because I had tonnes of exams to work on immediately after school term ended, but at least I (literally) had my feet on the ground for enough time to contemplate and feel emotions.
And I came to a decision that there is no reason that I should be putting up with anybody’s explosive emotions or tempers. I will not accept anyone blasting at me, or blasting at someone else to me. No. No way. So I started retaliating (in a nice way, I am surprised. Good training at diplomacy from my planning days!). In the most ironic manner, I took the position of being extremely zen and centered. When the one dealing with anger management came to me with fumes busting through her roof, I plainly said there is nothing to be angry about, explain the situation from the calmest perspective, and then cut her off completely. And then the next day, she told me I was right. Gasp! It was very consoling and really a vote of confidence coming from an (almost) mentor. So that seemed to work, and … I kept up with the work. It seemed to help. Then again, I did step in so she no longer had to deal with what was making her so angry. AND IT TURNED OUT BRILLIANT (in my humble opinion). So yes, it was really the cosmic energies pushing (forcing) me to step up into the position where I get empowered, learn to be empowered, while at the same time, showing someone else a different perspective of how things can work.
Oops. Just went totally off tangent from the fair and just I wanted to write about. So basically I was feeling rather sad about the world. We were getting rather pissed off about people wanting help, asking to pick our brains, and all for free. Cost-conscious people who are only concerned about their own costs. Us putting in the time and work to solve problems are not costs of concern to them. Then again, the logic is simple, if I want to be cost-conscious too, then I won’t do it for you. Simple, right? SO. I guess this is Universe’s lesson: BOUNDARIES. Human beings and human weaknesses have come to a point when if you are not strong in your boundaries, your self may just get eroded by the imposing energies. AWARENESS. You have to start being aware, or even beware, the vampires who have no qualms about slurping you up if you have not protected yourself with garlands of garlic.
Yea, so now I totally reek of garlic. No more Miss Nice. I am still nice, but garlicky kind of nice. And it is a habit! Which means, once you get the hang of it, it is easy! It gains a different kind of momentum (better than the momentum of anger!) and it is like playing a game of tennis / badminton / etc. I volley back my thoughts, my position, my potentially angry words before these thoughts/words get to become angry. It is just plain, sound, logic of very simple concepts. I only ask for fairness. I do not seek to erode your boundaries nor your profits, all I am asking for is that my people get fair share of what we deserve.
And setting boundaries, keeping boundaries, it really works. Yay yay yay. Fair dinkums.
I shall keep it up. 🙂