It is very extremely taxing to have bloodsuckers around us. It is more than them taxing our blood and breath, but it drains every tiny bit of energy left because it is just so maddening. When someone who is already not pulling their weight, utters some crapshit nonsense even after screwing up very simple tasks, it really makes me wonder why the heck am I even putting in the slightest effort in what I do. It is tremendously maddening and I feel very insulted by my own stupidity at putting my best foot forward in what I do.
On one hand, I am very thankful that I am walking out and away from this severely unbalanced dynamics. On the other hand, I am very angry (at myself) for evening putting up with this kind of dynamics to begin with.
I guess this is what happens when we learn to develop self-worth, self-love and self-esteem. We start to see, and think, “hey, that is not how I should be treated”. Now that I have crawled and climbed my way to this platform of understanding, the next question is more like, “hey, why the heck did I not see it for the longest time?”
Each time I get to the point of frustration (again and again) of how/why did I allow myself to get to in this shitty position, I try very hard to console / remind myself that at least I am cutting my losses now. I try very hard to remind myself that I will do much much better once I am out of this super unbalanced dynamics, because I will then have full stakes and full claims over what I deserve, instead of having some parasite feeding off my work.
Enough is enough. I told myself. I cannot wait to be out of this slimy pool. Counting down everyday, every minute, and today counting down every second and nanosecond of it. See? This is how it sucks energy. I so prefer myself to counting blessings than to be counting down the nanoseconds to leaving slime seas for the promised lands.
In my material human life, I will still try to attain fairness in whatever human way I can. I also remind myself that there is a Higher scale that measures the (un/)fairness and distributes them, that which we call Karma, or the Law of Cause and Effect. Well, then again, we would not know if I am currently paying back for something owed lives before. In any case, I will do what I humanly can to tilt back / maintain a certain balance. And I turn everything else to God to balance the rest with/from His perspective. It is too maddening (and we know I am bad with math). So there!
Thank you Universe for hearing me out, and I turn it all to you. Thank you for helping me sort this out and balance this in the highest and best way.
(It really helps to write. I now feel heaps better. It helps to know there is a Higher Power and there is a Higher Perspective and I will be justly treated in the highest and best way.)