I cannot believe I am back at the same old cycle of reviewing my diet. I am absolutely kicking myself for that, and well.. my stubbornness (or subconscious “principled-ness”) impressed even myself.
After the iron boost at the hospital, I am trying to upkeep my iron (bigger picture: blood) level at a healthier one. I was shocked when I was hospitalised, but as the HCPs asked me more questions each time someone came in to check on me, it started to dawn on me that it is the same old problem again.
Nobody normal says, “I am proud I am now eating meat”. And that is/was me some ten years ago when I overcome my pure vegetarian diet because my blood level was debilitatingly low. I suppose there must still be some guilt and underlying subconscious beliefs in the background, that I still try not to eat meat, whenever I can. In recent months, when I returned to office to work (just half-days), I would eat at the Thai restaurant which serves generous portions of vegetables and I loved it so much, I would just order it vegetarian. And so, IT BECAME A HABIT. AGAIN. And I would order anything vegetarian everywhere else.
But because my schedule is more relaxed now than it was ten years ago – covid = no flying, no meetings, no activities, just sleep eat work sleep eat work – I did not feel anything at all this time round. I work from my bed, teach from my sofa, and go to office about 3-4 hours a day. I did not realise at all my blood level had dropped to 6, and I am still not sure for how long this had been going on.
As the doctors asked me about symptoms, and as I recalled more about it, it is quite quite scary how long I might have been living with this problem. I probably have blogged a couple of times at the early part of the pandemic about health scares when I was still flying to and from Phnom Penh. Those matched what the docs asked me about! Oh gosh.
The state of my health was on tenterhooks because brain was stubbornly still subconsciously refusing what body needed. I am determined not to get to that point ever again. So, I am going to be very focussed about getting enough meat for my every meal now.
A stern reminder to myself and to everyone else: your health is yours and it is important to keep you doing important work on this earth. Everyone comes to this earth with different chemistries in their bodies. Do not get swayed by all the contents out there about why it is good/important to be vegetarian, or why it is good/important to eat meat. The crux is about knowing your own body, and knowing that with everything there is balance, and that every person’s balance is different.
I cannot believe I am tearing while writing this. It just pains me so much to have to face this episode again. WHY DID I NOT LEARN! Grrrrrr.