After half a week of darkness, I managed to get myself back out into the light. Meditation really helps lend a hand in pulling us out from the abyss.
First thoughts were along the lines of “did we really just catch up with reality?”
We live on an island, a very safe one, and a very comfortable (if not, luxurious) one. I never really had to worry about anything, I can walk around the streets at night (I have been running home from office in the middle of the night, during meditation breaks when I am in US time zone 😀 ). I use my personal belongings to “chope” (meaning “reserve”) tables at the public foodcourts. We keep our doors open as long as there is someone in the house. My only peeves are how spoilt we are to the point that we are considered extremely careless (and stupid) when we walk the streets overseas.
Early this week was a sudden wake up call that this beautiful world I know is not reality. The real world is cruel, the real world is unsafe, and the real world is mad. I don’t like to say this, because this is not how I like to perceive my world (and I really believe that what we perceive will be what it shows up as our reality).
A safe zone within the safe island is a school where we spent much of our adolescent life – studying, playing, activities, sports, chilling with friends. On Monday, an innocent child was killed by his school senior (I see him as another innocent child too). It is unthinkable. I still find my breathing paused whenever I think of it. How did that even happen? The weapon was an axe. It is just cruel. The whole situation is very cruel.
I don’t even know how to think of it, except that I was shocked. I cannot even find anger to express, maybe sadness. No frustration, just plain shock. Like, what-the-hell-is-going-on-how-the-heck-did-it-even-happen kind of shock.
Maybe some kind of annoyance and irritation by some online folks who do not know how to behave, and pointing fingers and blaming this and that. Maybe they just have to express some emotion, but they cannot articulate that, and the expression came out in the form of childish and inconsiderate and extremely stupid remarks. Well, the fortunate thing was they were limited to just the usual toxic forums. The rest of social media was dead quiet.
Many of my friends’ kids are in that age range, and many of them from that school and their children from there as well. Maybe we all know well enough to not put any further pain and fear into their hearts.
It is creepy. I had a whole night of dreams about my high school days. We were mostly happy then. Not that we did not have darkness, but it never occurred that darkness can evolve to dark actions. Guess it is also time I check in on all my ex-schoolmates and ex-classmates. And be thankful that we got through adolescence peacefully without incidents.
I don’t know. I don’t want to live my life fearful of any possibilities of copycat incidences. But we know the truth of how society works, don’t we?
Tsk. Not great here. Not great with three-digit daily covid numbers either. See what I mean about catching up with reality?