Determination

Alright, I am back in the conscious world on the third plane, and ready to share some new gained knowledge! Whee-hee!

This whole week has been intense. As usual, the conscious day work and learn, followed by further subconscious/unconscious/somewhere-out-there-elsewhere-in-the-universe working and learning. The slipping in and out between realms are getting clearer now, and I kind of get “woken up” about 4am to watch whatever that was going on, possibly for the last bits of concluding. Of course there were also the usual, I know I was working on alot of things with alot of people (roughly/vaguely remember the people) but never the full story, sometimes not even bits of the story. But I know my soul is there learning, and at some point when I need it, it will push forth the information. Or it could just be tying up loose ends of resolving/dissolving the last bits of karma. In any case, it is just plain all good and efficient, I like it. 😀

So I remember. And I learnt. That even with great things that people do, if they are so intense, there is that possibility of taking the “wrong” lessons back to other lives. Not exactly wrong per se, but more like, sometimes we overcompensate, but that overcompensation solves the problem, and yea, we take it that that is the right way to go, the right way to do things, and so …. we overcompensate and overcompensate and continue overcompensating. It took me quite a while to get to the learning, but it was a great learning.

It started with “exhaustion”. I know my body was tired, I was told my spleen was superbly tired. I thought it was just physical tiredness, for I feel fully recovered now that I have not flown for eighteen months (!!!! eighteen months !!!!). I was told by another person (and another other person) that I have this problem of overthinking. We did quite some healing in the day (on alot of other things too). This morning, I asked my spleen how it was feeling and whether it is less stressed now. I was then tasked to look into “exhaust all possibilities”. This is a phrase that I frequently use, and I am very proud of my ability and determined character to achieve that. I truly am. I know it is tough for people under me, but that sense of achievement, and learning to be driven to achieve that, it is really healthy learning for everyone. It’s an amazing quality to have, and really instills a strength of character. I sincerely feel so, but I am also totally open to people telling me otherwise.

Investigating this issue further brought me to a life when I was leader of a huge community. We were in some kind of situation that we have to fight a war, which I kind of see it as the ultimate last resort. I refused to do that, no way was I going to put my people through the pandemonium of war. So I went through all kinds of thinking and strategising with my team, and in absolute determination to “exhaust all possibilities”. I just refused to go into war until we know we have no other choice. Throughout that, the this-life third-persona-observer-me was totally bewildered, “I would still have done that”. “What am I supposed to learn from it?”

And so I asked. I am very proud of what a great leader I was. What a responsible, loving, and amazing leader I was. Now that I am typing this out, I suppose it is also to show me the great things I have done as a leader (as opposed to the not-so-nice ones I previously saw myself in). Maybe not all healing has to learn from bad stuffs that we will never ever do again if we have the choice not to. Maybe this healing is about bringing back that strength of character I had, and know that I can be a strong, amazing, loving, responsible and wise leader that I was in that life, and knowing that there may be so many other lives that I was a great wise and kind leader, and I can repeat this again this life too.

Well, because I had not realised that (the above para) at 4am in the morning, I was still asking, “Creator, what do you want me to learn from this?” Higher Self told me that I can leave the past story at the door, take in all the strengths and virtues I have gained, but to release the need to always exhaust all possibilities before I make any move on anything. That I can trust my intuition, the Higher Guidance, the Creator, and that knowingness. We did alot more work on accepting the gift of knowingness that I have. I have always had it, I always just know. But another part of me will check and double check, and fact check, and cross check, until I have proven that what I just know is really truly what it just is. (I can feel all the f^(*#&@(&$#@*(sh&#*@&$(*@#&$ttt going through my head, because that really sucks up hell lot of energy and wastes damnalot of time). I thought it was an issue of perfectionism, or maybe it was because I have cleared up the perfectionism layer of beliefs, and can get into the deeper layer of other things now.

So yay yay. Mind can take a break now, it is a good way to convince Mind that it is useful to follow Intuition, and give it a good rest. And for Mind to know that Intuition respects it, that we still need Mind to do alot of work, but that it does not have to work so hard to feel validated, and that we work as a team. Mind can now shift focus to even more valuable things now, and that we will always love, respect, and appreciate its work.

Anyway. I am happy. I am happy I wrote this out. For I would not have understood that positive layer of meaning that the 4am me could not grapple with.

❤ Thank you Universe for the gifts that I came to this life with. Thank you for showing me that I can really fully and completely use them. That I am ready to open up this cool box of presents that have been with me all along, and that I now have the courage and wisdom to use them for the highest good of everyone! ❤ Huge thank you. Much gratitude and love! ❤

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I am so happy for you, Ping. Very informative.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. leapingtoes says:

      Thanks Tracy! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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