The Blame Mechanism

Why it disempowers and we still always want to choose it as an excuse or the default mechanism in our lives.

Yay, I survived another week in US timezone. In that week, I gotta admit my entire clock was flipped all over into a world of confusion. I was eating extra meals because I was functioning around the clock, yet because I was so confused, I was asleep most of the day (but still work up to eat at the correct time). It is quite annoying, but it highlighted one huge thing I had neglected to see in this comfort zone.

This little island has always been so convenient, and many places work around the clock, many shops open till late (so unlike many places I lived in where activities end with the setting of the sun). When all else fails, there is always 7-Eleven which is a true blue convenient store providing conveniences 24/7. BUT, we are now living in the Covid era. Oh my. Even 7-Eleven close early around here! Every one of them. To help me cope with the timezone changes and not wake up to a childcare and YouTube nursery songs at home, I actually booked myself into the Quay area in town. I had always known shops there to open till wee hours in the morning, I remember the days of having “supper” after clubbing or karaoke-ing at 4 or 5 in the morning. BUT NO, covid era – they close at 10pm now. This meant I cannot just hop down during the “lunch break” to grab a bite, I had to prepare everything in advance. Naively, I thought I will be able to survive without food since it is in the middle of the night here, but the body does not seem to work that way. I could not function “after lunch”.

So I ended up preparing snacks (cup noodles), coffee, chocolate (with coffee bits!!!), and figured (after a couple of trial-and-error) the best time allocation was to nap for 45 mins, and snack for 15mins. In case I oversleep, which really did happen, and that was when the chocolate came into handy. Tsk!

Anyway, I shall survive on fruits the next two days to balance things out a little. We shall see if that works.

Okay, back to why I wanted to blog about this episode. I discovered an innate mechanism and finally realised why it does not serve me at all, or rather, we can tweak the mechanism to make our lives easier.

I dropped my phone plug on the office floor, and forgot about it. I was on a phone call and reminded myself to pick it up after the call, which did not happen, and I only see it now that I am back in the office.

When I checked into the hotel, I was quite peeved that I had forgotten to bring my phone plug/charger. I was quite peeved with myself, but because it was my own fault, there was no excuses about it, and the only and best way forward is to solve the problem. What I did was very simple – just keep the MacBook plugged in all the time, and then charge my phone on the Macbook. So simple.

After a while, I realised that the hotel actually does not have the socket that fits my phone plug even if I had brought it with me. I have been so used to international travel, I would usually just plug into their internationally adapted sockets so it never mattered which country’s plug I had brought with me (I lived in so many places, I forgot that they are different in different locales… tsk!!!) Had I not made the mistake of forgetting to bring the plug, had I brought that with me to the hotel instead, I can easily imagine myself going hopping mad and fuming all over the place that “this hotel is so blardey ill-equipped”, “how the heck are they going to serve international travellers”, “why are there still such backward places in such a developed country” etc etc etc. I can so literally see that version of me surfacing had it been the case.

I know I probably overthink situations, but I find myself learning so much through this episode that did not happen. What I am learning is that if we look at situations objectively, without assigning blame on anyone or anything (for whatever reason, reasons like “oh, because I can” or “because I have to be angry at something, and it’s good it’s not at me!”), life can still go on! Without major dramas and episodes! The other thing I am learning is how disempowering this blame mechanism is – had I moved into blame mode, I would just be expending alot of energy on useless stuffs like getting angry, and just fuming at how sh*tty the situation is, and then going in circles of blame mode and not being able to move on to getting into the productive mode of doing whatever else, and it would probably ruin my day(s), moods, for anything else. See how disempowering it can be? But, see how easy it is to fall into the trap too?

So yea, I now know I can easily choose to take the more empowered option of owning the situation, even if/when it is not my “fault” in the future. Another memory to store in the “bank” to always remember to choose the objective viewpoint, to choose the empowering approach (and of course, to be able to do all these without having to make mistakes or make it my fault). That I can just be objective and choose power in the present, every moment!!!!

Turns out to be a positive rant. 😀 And I am now awake! but I shall eat fruits for lunch. ❤

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