Booboos and boohoos to that. Writing about past lives is actually quite fun. Since I am already at that, I will document one more story that came up in that last class.
I really love that class, my teacher is so natural, so nurturing, so encouraging, so loving, that things just flow and ooze out (including some tears too), so easily, so effortlessly. ❤ So good so good. No fuss made, nothing’s a biggie, everything just is. So good. ❤
The other topic had been unfolding in layers was about being misleading. Specifically, me being misleading. I know I am not, but I worry I am. Makes sense? I am fully credible, with all the credentials to match, but I still have that worry. Makes sense?
In earlier classes, we figured that it was something my utmost-respected-father-figure-mentor said to me in jest, that deeply traumatised my subconscious. LTK, in his most endearing ways, like to tease me about the fun things I get to do. He would tease me about being light-footed (I flutter around different fun things to do … as a career …), about being frivolous (I take on alot of additional fun stuff to build community bonding in whichever organisational thing I happen to be fluttering around), and … when I told him I was teaching in Uni (years ago), his moment of jest was, “and misleading young minds?” That was his way of showing love and support for the things I do, and there is no reason at all to fault him for that. We would not have our level of rapport if not for his way of jesting with and teasing me, and I would often tease back something witty in return.
My subconscious was deeply affected by that, and much work went into releasing this whole insecurity of “oh no, am I misleading young minds”. Well, it made me very careful with what I tell my students, but I really don’t enjoy the 24/7 sense of insecurity about everything I say. But I worked through that, and teaching became a lot less stressful for me. I have all the facts, contents, structures, methods, like the back of my hand, and there really shouldn’t be a cause of worry. Teaching young minds to be strong, to care for their community, to do their best for the people they will be serving – I think it’s a good moral compass to adhere to, but honestly, I am still not quite sure whether that is misleading for them, considering that I am teaching in an authoritarian regime after all. So, I am really just connecting to the Creator before my every class, and just asking for me to teach the young minds in the highest and best good for us. Yes, even though it is a uni class, not a theta class …
SO!!!!! Last class. I saw another life that I was so deeply affected about misleading people. Oh.my.gosh. It was traumatic. It was really traumatic. I really hate it that when my actions affect so many people (there we go, another highlight of the next belief layer to work on). Yes, another healer life.
There was an epidemic going on. I had been the go-to healer then, since I had solved and healed so many things and mysteries. Everyone was coming to me, the ruler came to me, everyone was desperate, everyone was in despair. I asked Creator for help, but there was no guidance or messages on what to do to help these people. I was desperate too, so instead of continuing to wait for Creator to finally make some noise, I looked for what had been successful in the past for similar ailments, and applied them to try to fix this new disease. The “similar ailments” weren’t all that similar, I think it was successful in like distantly-associated manner (maybe vaguely applicable to other animals, having to mix-and-match different methods, etc), but I was desperate (we were all desperate) to try anything to make it work. Thousands and thousands of people died. I felt really really awful, awful was an understatement. I felt I let my people down, I felt I had totally misled them. [ Tada~ the key belief sussed out here was that, “I mislead people when they look to me for answers” and a whole series of related ones ] So, hence lie my fear of misleading people, misleading thousands and thousands of people, misleading people who look up to me, misleading people who trust me. CRY!!!
Objectively, if I don’t do that, then what happens? They will still die … … maybe just not “at my hands”. The sick thing is that I was just so overwhelmed by the emotions and the trauma, that it overrode any sense, any objective sense, of the rationality of the situation. All I (my soul, my cells, my subconscious) could remember was that “I let my people down”.
This is where I find past life regression quite a cool thing, we can go back and retrieve memories and review it as a third-party, and be more objective about it. And with Creator’s guidance, we can see even a much higher perspective of what we are all learning from and teaching one another, and from the view point of his unconditional love for our existences.
So I snapped back to the next significant event, and … gosh. Creator had been really quiet without any message because it was winter, and the herbs that could solve the problem was not available. When spring came, the message came. But I was already so distraught and thousands and thousands of people were already dead by then. That didn’t help me feel any better (during that life).
I almost missed one big lesson, but luckily while I was chatting with my teacher about this story, she was telling me something else (a different line of lesson!). That we can make do with what we have, and just do what we can, instead of waiting and waiting and waiting till everything is ready, that I am ready. That timeliness is not a matter of waiting for the perfect moment when everything is ripe and ready, that timeliness is when we do what we can, the best we possibly can, at every moment.
That was a great learning, because I had been “not ready” for teaching theta, even for practicing theta, but when is the perfect moment for me to jump in? When I have already gone to the light? I can’t believe I am saying this now, because I had advised another classmate (some other class) the same thing, without seeing it for myself.
I really love my teacher. We were just conversationally talking about this, and so much wisdom just oozing out from her words. And I gotta admit that some of the wisdom didn’t reach me until I started writing this post. Hence, I guess that is why Creator was still prodding me to write this one!
❤ Thank you Universe! I am ready to do what I can for this moment in my life, and I embrace my abilities and my role(s)! ❤