I am feeling nervous. I have been feeling nervous since Saturday. It’s an empty queasy uneasy feeling, but it is not the “bad” kind of feeling. I have no idea what is up and hence I am just blogging all these down for documentation sake.
Rationally, there could just be travel anxieties or maybe even separation anxieties, since I have been grounded for so long in Singapore, and have not been longtime faraway for sometime. I shared this weird feeling with friends, who consoled me that it is probably excitement more than anxiety. I agree with that, I know my body/mind/soul/spirit is still figuring out what emotions and feelings really are / feel like. But it really feels more than that.
What it really feels like? It feels like there is something lurking just below the horizon that is going to turn my life upside down. But the nice part is that, it really feels like turn life upside down in a good kind of way. So I suppose the nervousness is from the trepidation from the unknown. That empty space that my body/mind/soul/spirit (or maybe spirit knows better) has not stepped into and not at all familiar with this life?
There is a big change I know is coming, as in I know what it is, but that does not feel like this anxious empty question mark space the queasiness feels like. The known-change feels very stable and going to be smooth and easy.
What’s up, Universe?
I don’t know why it is keeping it such a secret, but it feels like maybe something that may make me weak at the knees and run away from it, and therefore it is better it hits me like a surprise jack-in-the-box, and I will just deal with it as it comes. Basically, no room for escape? But it feels like something good for me, so I guess I will just swing with that. :’)
I don’t know. The feeling is funny. I want to call it weird, but if it’s good, I don’t quite want to swat it away by giving it negative names. Maybe I shall just call it excitement. Excitement for what is to come in life, maybe that’s a better / more positive box to fit this fluttery butterflyeee feeling.
I will just trust the Universe. The kind and loving Universe which has always landed me in situations better than my cognitive mind can imagine. Thank you Universe. Yes, do bring it on! (Trying to wipe the grimace off my face.. that’s really how I feel right now. All the mix mix mix mix mix feelings.)
*** and my dearest loving cousin just called me at the perfect timing and totally eased my nerves ***
I am flying off to Switzerland tonight for two weeks to attend a 5-day class. Decided to spend a few days there in advance to acclimatise to the weather, environment, and timezone, and visit a very very very dear friend whom I have not seen since junior college. We have not met for a quarter of a decade, but the connection still feels as though it was just yesterday that we were playing together in the school field or school canteen. I really really love the group of us, such pure friendships and this group I really love because it is without any competition or bitchiness but really just pure love and friendship. Very excited about seeing her and her family tonight, and she’ll be taking me around Geneva since it is their bank holiday.
Then I’m off to Bern for a day as an in-betweener stop to just look around and rest on my way to Saint Gallen for the class. Maybe part of why I feel a little nervous is that I did not do any research (more like, I didn’t do the extensive research I used to do), so I am just going there with a super open mind and wandering to see what catches my eye. I’m sure there’s enough to do for a day but I don’t have more than a day to explore and hence there is not that much need for thorough research … (why do I need to even justify this to myself… ?)
I will have two days to venture around Saint Gallen before class. I’m prolly going to do my laundry and then go out to the further areas, since I will be able to just walk around the city during the class days anyway.
After the class, I will rest and head off to Zurich, spend two days there and then it is back home to Singapore.
It will definitely be a fruitful trip. Looks like there really is that possibility of covering Europe in my travels this lifetime.
❤ I do feel better now. Blog and a loving phone call always helps. ❤