Mercy

Just documenting down more weirdass conversations in the spiritual realm that my earthly brain cannot comprehend.

I used to document so much more of these in the earlier days of this blog. But I guess they have become so commonplace in my life that I kind of just took it work tasks and “just do it” but it also means that the more intense questions have been bottled up. Got a tiny little breakthrough this past week, and I’m happy to share my findings here! Yay!

So. There has always been this very grotesque image that I’m shown whenever I felt resistance in doing certain work that the divine has guided me to. It maddens me to see it, cos I (my earthly brain) sees it as “blackmail”, “why are you threatening me with such a gross imagery”, “yucks you, I thought you would be a lot kinder than that”, or sometimes when I’m really in a petty mood, “ya, you have the perfect heart, and mine is gross, thanks for the reminder and comparison”. The imagery is this fresh beating heart that is bleeding (dripping with blood sometimes… yikes), and strangled by barbed wire / thorns that really poke into the flesh, the heart (albeit fresh) looks kind of darkish and very pained. It is a very very painful sight.

The funny thing is that, every time I was flashed this image, all the resistance just *melts* away. It’s like my psyche / soul would just go, “oh. right. thanks for the reminder. I’ll do it now.” It is a very very very strange feeling. I guess the earthly persona me is getting so comfortable with the veil of the physical realm and forgot the larger picture of w.t.f. I’m doing here on this planet*. Whereas, the psyche remembers! Probably a little misled by the earthly persona me, but all it takes is some other divine personas in the spiritual realm to throw some fairy dust (or some gross imagery) that says, “heyo, you wanted us to remind you of this thing you need to get done.”

*This planet stuffs and the w.t.f.s were stuffs that I worked through the past two weeks in Australia, I forgot to share!!! OMG!! There's so much I want to share! I'll do that tomorrow!

Most recent was just late last year. I was getting rather emotionally thrown off my path, cos “there was just too much sadness in the world”. Come to think of it, it’s always the same ol’ same ol’, “there’s just so much sadness in the world / this is too difficult, my heart can’t take it. Can I just do something else, please?” I am really thankful for the divine support, all the cheerleaders prodding me along the way that I got this far. So I guess, it always happens when I try to squirm my way out of the hard stuffs, and take the easier route. E.g. “Can I just teach the fun stuffs?” “Let’s just work on the corporate stuffs, it’s still meaningful too, teach people to break out of their little pigeonholes”. But nooooo. It is a little bit like playing computer games, you just keep levelling up. The divine just keeps rolling new levels into my path whenever it feels like I’m ready. (Which is really good. haha. Cos if left to my own devices, I (the earthly persona me) will never feel ready for anything… :p ) E.g. I worked on early stage cancers, it was simple and quick, and it worked real good. Then I was rolled a couple of late stage cancer cases, and I was devastated, there was so much pain that I just didn’t want to do it. So the divine gave me a couple of weeks to get myself together, and then rolled in another case. I am honestly still struggling with it, and still trying to “squirm my way out of it”. That’s spiritually speaking though, of course I do my very best with whatever that was sent on my path, since God is the healer and I only had to follow his guidance. Emotionally, I’d just wanna run away from it and just deal with the easypeasy stuffs. That said, I do level up emotionally with each case, but it is not as smooth and easy and quick as how I usually level up, so it is very very frustrating. Extra frustrating when you recognise that the whole big spanner in the works is myself and no one else.

Yea, so these are current examples of the times that I would be flashed that gross heart imagery. How strange to be shown that eerie pic as “motivation” or “encouragement” to overcome the threshold and take the next step up. I finally got my head around to formulate the question in concise words last week,

“am I learning a higher octave of Compassion / Benevolence?”

I have been asking about the deeper meanings (and feelings) of compassion, but yet to find a “good enough” answer from human voices. People telling me that no, true compassion should not come with pain, cos I was asking about whether true compassion is compassion in spite of pain, etc. Philosophical stuffs, I don’t even know why I’m even asking it, but it bugs me! I can write a whole thesis on this topic, tsk. 😥

So finally, I got my answer over the last few nights,

“you are learning / practicing Mercy.”

“You could have told me earlier…”

“We did. You heard it through many human voices too.”

Urghs. Yea I did. My whole past two years was people telling me that when they tune into my space, the virtue that is radiated is Mercy. I only took it linguistically and never explored deeper about what it truly means. (I really superficially thought it meant, “I can crush you like a cockroach, but I really don’t want to dirty my hands.”.. such daftness!!!!!! arghs! ) Ah well, research topic now refocusing into this new word in my spiritual vocabulary!

It is annoying too. To realise how I could have less heartache if I were to just have been sharper on catching spiritual lessons. TSKKKKK!!!!!!!!